1.5 Aparigraha and Desire

Aparigraha and the Attachment-Surrender Process

We have gotten through most of the Yamas that form the foundation of Patanjali’s system of Ashtanga Yoga- the eight observations on the path of self-realization. There is one more social restraint to explore, and like its predecessors, this is a multilayered practice that can itself bring us through the entire movement of yoga into the heart of the self-inquiry process. This is the concept of Aparigraha, or non-coveting, non-attachment, and non-possessing.  

The word ‘graha’ means to amass, grab, or seek, and ‘pari’ means ‘on all sides.’ Put together, Parigraha is a term that describes the action of possessiveness or greed as well as the result of that action, or the stuff that we acquire. As we have seen before and will see time and again, the Sanskrit prefix ‘a’ means the abstinence of, ‘not that.’ So the word implies a deep greedlessness in thought, action, and deed.  

As such, Aparigraha relates to the fear of loss: when we have and hold on to too many possessions and roles then the renunciation process is arduous or even impossible.  Doesn’t this sound a little like surrendering what we do not need, surrendering the excessive anxieties and projects that we take on, and even surrendering the material-stuff that we do not use?

Let us look at Aparigraha as it relates to the terms attachment and surrender, both popular and effective as tools of self-inquiry, and both explored in the scriptures of yoga, including in Patanjali’s Yoga Sutras.

Attachment:

“Until you have dealt with the basic problem-making dysfunction of the mind - its attachment to past and future and denial of the Now- problems are actually interchangeable.”

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

It doesn’t feel like our problems are interchangeable sometimes- it feels very much like each problem is yelling at us uniquely and with flair and circumstance and that “HEAR ME NOW” kind of importance.  Isn’t it amazing, though, how each thought tells you that it is the most.important.ever. and you should really really listen?

But when we walk back from a thought we almost always find an emotion, and when we follow an emotion we find loops of thought.  In every yoga tradition, including Vedanta, Tantra, and Yoga, thought and emotion are considered within the same category of ‘mind,’ or citta in Patanjali’s words (Yogas citta vrtti nirodaha YSP1.2).  Thought-emotion is really one arc and depending on where you are looking on that arc it will present predominantly as one or the other. 

Actually, it’s fairly rare to be far enough on the end of the spectrum that a thought presents without any emotion or an emotion presents without any thought.  Someone who acts on emotion without any thinking involved is often called “remorseless” or “blind,” while someone who sits in thought without any emotion might be called “calculating,” or at the very least, “dry.”

It is certainly one river (that often feels like separate flows until we pay attention).  To look with even more precision, when we follow our thought-emotion forms (citta) we find some attachment, whether positive or negative, toward the past or toward the future.  So thought and emotion always hook into time.  There are actually four desire based attachments that spring from the movements of citta: two moving back toward our past, and two moving forward toward the future. 

In the past, positive-tinted attachment is sometimes called nostalgia “I wish life were as good as when she was still here- remember when…?” and negative-tinted attachment is called shame “I was so asleep then, I wish I had seen how bad he was for me…”.  Have you noticed that your thoughts and emotions looking toward the past follow one of these two themes?  It really does come down to nostalgia and shame.  

In the future, positive-tinted attachment is sometimes called desire or hope “Once I find a new (home, partner, job…) things will be better” and negative-tinted attachment is called worry or anxiety “What am I going to do if something happens to…?”.   We know all about worry and anxiety!  This is big in our culture.  But the opposite thought-emotional form is equally prevalent in our culture, if less explored- that sense of hopeful expectation that things will get better “if” or “when.”

As a culture, worry and anxiety by far dictate our problems- the future negative-tinted pattern described here.  The point is we must see that ALL of these patterns are just ONE core energy called attachment.  And these persistent and deep stressors impact us in the present moment, in real time, in the Now, where they do not even live!  Whats the solution?  Can you take a guess?

Yoga and self-inquiry provide small pauses intended to break the momentum of all of the movements of the mind.  How many of us in the process of self-investigation believe that we are trying to seek out the peace that is our inheritance? It has been said before time and again that the seeking process is itself the prison.  The seeking movement is exactly the tug on the water that creates the whirlpools where we are trapped in cycles that just keep us churning.    So we allow ourselves a softening, a surrendering of the coveting mind with that formidable attachment impulse.

Surrender:

“Each moment presents a paradox, because we can’t do surrender as an act of will. We can’t decide to embrace our experience. But in dropping our struggle we allow the space to open up to a deeper intelligence.”

Roger Housden (Dropping the Struggle)

This is the description of surrender.  Have you ever tried to surrender?  Prayed for surrender?  Me too. But surrender happens naturally, like when you’re cooking and you pick up the handle of the pan.  If it’s hot you don’t think or pray or weigh the options- you just put it down.  Fast.  You open your hand and let it drop.  What a relief that we’re already born with this kind of intelligence. 

Later the author states “Struggle happens for all of us, so it must have a place in the scheme of things, but I for one have spent way too much time struggling for what struggle can never accomplish. For struggle is not the same as effort.”  When we surrender the struggle it does not mean that we stop moving forward.  We might have a clear path of movement called effort.  But there is a kind of stillness in that forward movement born of surrender.

Aparigraha reminds us that our attachment in the form of desires are in constant motion tugging on our minds.  Surrender is a part of the spiritual process whereby the mind softens, gives up, falls away, revealing the simplicity and the wisdom of your inner self.

In Patanjali’s own words: 

With constancy of aparigraha, a spiritual illumination of the how and why of motives and birth emerges. 

Patanjali, YSP 2.39

“Love is a state of Being.  Your love is not outside; it is deep within you.  You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you. It is not dependent on some other body, some external form.  In the stillness of your presence, you can feel your own formless and timeless reality as the unmanifested life that animates your physical form. You can then feel the same life deep within every other human and every other creature.  You look beyond the veil of form and separation. This is the realization of oneness. This is love.”

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

When we feel profound love for someone else we are the ones that feel that.  When someone cuts us off in traffic and makes us angry, we are the ones that feel that.  It’s easy to see that we are the ones impacted by our bursts of passion, by our fear, by our grief, by our chaos.  But what takes a lot of courage is to allow love to stay kindled like a little light “deep within you.” I don’t know how this happens, but I think it’s faithful persistence in courage, kindness to yourself, and noticing the little things in the simplest of moments that feeds that little kindling. How have you been kind to yourself today?  Can you stay connected by one extra breath to your source of love within your heart?

“Love, joy, and peace cannot flourish until you have freed yourself from mind dominance. But they are not what I would call emotions.  They lie beyond the emotions, on a much deeper level… Love, joy, and peace are deep states of Being, or rather three aspects of the state of inner connectedness with Being.  As such, they have no opposite.” 

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Have you ever noticed that whatever love touches becomes love?  I write about this a lot- because it’s true! I learned this by looking at my children’s faces while they were sleeping.  I think this was my first deep dive into the totality of love’s dissolving touch. I have discussed before the power of a mother’s love. All love when purified is this strong, it is not only possible for a parent but is present in every one of us. Love is not exactly an emotion- although the body feels the pulse in the same way that the body responds to all thought and emotion. It transcends emotion because it arises from a place unrelated or unconditional to the body-mind complex (that continuum of body-emotion-thought that I note). It is vitally important that we identify this ability to love. When you know that you are capable of love then you actually have all the tools you need to find peace in any moment. Love has the unique ability to ground us into the Now and seep into our worry-stricken minds as a balm and as the light of forgiveness.

“To be free of time is to be free of the psychological need of past for your identity and future for your fulfillment.”

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

We are always a small notice away from timelessness.  Sometimes when I’m driving I notice how still everything is at my center even while life moves quickly around me.  And when I get somewhere I’ll often take a 30 second pause to sit and look at something insignificant but beautiful: the dust on the dashboard, a branch from a tree.  Have you noticed that there is always space within the chaos to take a second to breathe? To let love seep into the moment like water soothing over dusty ground?

“How many people does it take to make your life into a spiritual practice?  Never mind if your partner will not cooperate. Sanity- consciousness- can only come into this world through you.  You do not need to wait for the world to become sane, or for somebody else to become conscious, before you can be enlightened.”

Eckhart Tolle, The Power of Now

Sometimes when I’m tired or cranky or pushed I wish everyone were as interested and obsessed with their True Nature “as I am.” What arrogance!  It’s kind of a hilarious thought, isn’t it? What makes us think that we need to rope others into our brand of Truth? Everyone is the divine. Everyone is made of the body of this earth.  Everyone (yes everyone) loves and knows deep suffering. Be kind to yourself. There is no one out there that you need to wait for or save or that needs to think just like you do.  But, if I’m really honest, I do wish I could take that Zen stick sometimes and bop myself or a loved one on the head.